What was life like before I had children??? Im drawing a blank. I know there was alot of stayin up late and gettin up early but now that takes on a whole new meaning. Now, I find myself staying up late just to enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet once the kids finally conk out, then im getting up early at the first sign of movement. Then my normally chaotic day starts. I wonder what life would be like with a kids energy? OK, im getting off subject here, back to my life B.C.
I would be lieing if I said I didn't miss all the free time or freedom of life before mommy-hood but what I miss the most is ME. I had confidence that seems so ridiculous now. I knew what I wanted then, the dreams of being a famous singer were just that, dreams. Everyone wants to be someone when there younger. I sang for awhile in front of alot of people, Ive been on stage and thats who I was then. Now, I have 3 girls that sing, Summer gives it her best shot. I thought the Hannah Montana craze would never end but now, me and my girls break it down to things like Skynard or Paramore and of course the Dixie chicks but they crack me up when they are blastin Taylor Swift or Lady A in there bedroom. They are my audience now and that's fine with me, I believe God gave me these vocal cords for lullabies, and of course to annoy my hubby cuz what kind of wife would I be if I didn't do that?
Now while I'm on the subject of me, another thing I really miss about myself is my BBB. Body before babies. It was far from perfect, but I felt good, not only about how I looked but health wise. I wouldnt have been caught dead in a 1 piece bathing suit, now im shoppin for the 1 with the MOST material and a skirt to go with. I hate trying on clothes with a passion that only a mother could understand. With that said, I wouldnt change anything, because my kids are healthy and happy and worth every stretch mark and pound Ive gained on this crazy journey. If I can be a mama (the hardest most rewarding job in the world) then I can lose weight. I guess what I am trying to say is this, I love my crazy dysfunctional chaotic life and wouldnt have it any other way but if I could go back and tell my 16 year old self just 1 thing, I would tell myself to make smarter food choices if I want to keep those jeans.
I want my girls to know me, the real me, the happy person I was before the xtra pounds, the person I know I am inside. I know they dont care how I look but I feel like when people look at me they are not seeing who I really am if that makes any sense at all. So, this is day 3 of my diet and I think im doing pretty good, yesterday I was 200 calories under my daily goal and exercised twice as hard as I did the day before, but the temptations of 2nd helpings will always be there. maybe putting this all out there for all of you will help me express my feelings rather that smother them in chocolate.
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